Happy New Year to everyone. I hope you all enjoy it. Keep up with the resolutions and whatnot. I will be doing tonight's recap, but Groovy will do Friday. So on to the show.
It starts off with Randy Orton. Fantastic. I despise this man, like a lot. Its all about his "One Man Dynasty" bull crap. The crappy video then says that he is the Greatest Raw Superstar of 2007. OH MY GOSH this is so lame. Then he comes to the ring.
Oh no. He's gonna talk. FAN-FLIPPING-TASTIC. He says that 2007 can be summarized in 3 letters: R K O. I thought it was more like five: G-A-G M-E. (For those of you that don't get it, I said gag me.) He began as the legend killer and now he is the one man dynasty, blah blah blah. He promised to be more ruthless and dominant in 2008, and that he will be champion both going into and coming out of (dang, not the closet) 2008. OH GREAT, I really don't care.
JEFF HARDY JEFF HARDY JEFF HARDY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!! Out comes the Number One Contender for the championship at the Royal Rumble. He says to Orton that he can talk all he wants, but right here right now, the talk means nothing. Randy Orton has no momentum. We see a clip of Jeff Hardy pinning Mr. Pompous Jerk. Orton says that Hardy "got lucky in a tag match." Hardy points out that the PROVES he can beat "The One Man Dynasty" and that he has the momentum going into the Royal Rumble. Orton says that nobody ever beat him for the title and that Jeff hardy never will. There is a stare down, Orton attempts an RKO, but Hardy counters and successfully delivers a Twist of Fate. WOOT! (It is now a real word, so xld)
There is a quick recap of Flair's ultimatum.
Commercial Break which reminded me, I STILL haven't seen Jack@$$ 2.5, so I'm gonna go try and register again.
We come back and see Jeff Hardy talking to Matt Hardy. Matt is proud of his little brother, and is glad his appendix is gone since he will never have to have surgery to get his appendix removed again. He announces that he hopes to be medically cleared to fight at the Royal Rumble, and that WHEN, not if, but when, Jeff beats Orton for the title, he would like the first title shot. Jeff says he would be honored to give Matt a title shot.
Now its time for Mr. Kennedy (joy) to fight HBK. We see a bunch of HBK messing up Kennedy's knee, he even took the knee pad off to do further damage. It was at this moment that I realized how smooth Kennedy's legs were, its like he waxes or something.
Commercial Break, I will still point out where they were, but I got my registration stuff and I watched the movie during the commercials and really sucky parts of the show.
We come back and see Kennedy has taken control. He is seriously screwing with HBK's lower back. At one point HBK is upside down in the corner, I like watching this for some reason. Kennedy ends up winning the match, he got what he wanted. He beat Shawn Michaels in 2007.
There is some talking going on backstage between HHH and Todd Grisham. HHH says that losing is not an option and he will beat Flair tonight. Out comes Vince McMahon and William Regal. Oh joy. Vince says that tonight history will be made, HHH vs. The Nature Boy. He asks Regal what will happen if HHH loses. We find out now that if HHH loses, he loses his chance to be in the Royal Rumble match. Not the pay-per-view, but the 15 man over the top match.
Commercial Break
Jillian is singing, so of course I keep the movie going, that is until Ron Simmons decides to interrupt.
Regal and Vince are talking. Vince asks him to show his son Hornswoggle some tough love and fight him in a match. Regal thanks Vince for the opportunity.
There is a Tribute to the Troops recap.
Commercial Break
We come back and find out that the Royal Rumble pay-per-view sold out in under two hours. SWEET!!! There is a short rewind to the first ever Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan won that one.
On to the match. Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Umaga in a Royal Rumble qualifying match. Umaga wins. Aww *sad face*
Vince talks to Flair. He asks if Flair is ready for his match, and to retire when he loses.
There is an Armageddon flashback, which can only mean one thing. JBL is coming out. FAN-FLIPPING-TASTIC.
Commercial Break
Out comes JBL. Can I please bash my skull in now? Well ok, hang on. There is a bunch of spiffy confetti and his limo has horns, thats kinda cool, ya know for a red neck. So he stands in the ring. For like 20 minutes. He says nothing and I'm ok with that. Oh crap he's gonna talk. Ok. I will listen I swear. He starts saying stuff about how we all need to mark this as the day JBL returns to RAW. Funny, wasn't he on last week, and like the week before? So those don't count anymore? Well he keeps going on and on and I can't listen so back to the movie.
OH WAIT HERE COMES CHRIS JERICHO WOOT!!!!!!!!!! They fight a lot, and Y2J's butt looks especially nice in those jeans. VERY NICE. It took like 10 refs to pull them apart and keep them apart. It was cool. AND AND AND JBL was bleeding. SWEETNESS!!!!!!
Commercial Break
Chick fight--Melina vs. Mickey James vs. Beth Phoenix for the Woman's title. I don't really care about a cat fight so more movie, but I did see Mickey James has awesome pants. Oh and Beth Phoenix wins.
Commercial Break
Vince and Regal come out to the ring. Fun times, fun times.
It is now time for Regal vs. Hornswoggle. Horny hugs Vince and shakes Regal's hand. Vince keeps talking to Regal and Horny during the match. He ends up telling Regal to hit Horny. Vince gets the brass knuckles from Regal's jacket and tells him to use them on poor little Horny. Regal can't hit him. Horny runs away and Vince slaps Regal. He then says that it was all a test. Regal failed. He didn't want Regal to hit him, he just wanted to see if he WOULD hit him. Regal failed and gets kicked out of the ring.
Commercial Break
JEFF HARDY vs. Santino Marella. Fun. OOOOOO pretty yellow belt today. Jeff is about to win, when Orton comes on the jumbotron thing and says that Jeff will be spending the New Year in the ER since he just kicked Matt where is appendix used to be. OUCH, and thats not all, he then kicks him in the head, Jeff runs to the rescue and consequently loses the match, but oh well, Matt is more important.
Commercial Break
HHH and Flair are talking before their match, HHH wants to know if they will still be friends after the match, awwwwwww. Flair says yes, but HHH won't win, he isn't "the man" yet. HHH says to Flair "You are the man, and I will beat the man."
HHH vs. Flair, in Flair-country. They both had their strong points during the match. however, all seemed hopeless for HHH when Flair got him in the Figure-4 Leg Lock. In the middle of the ring no less. HHH managed to pull them over to the ropes and get the hold broken. HHH hit a Pedigree. He was about to pin Flair when out comes Regal. He pulls Flair to the side of the ring and hits him in the head with brass knuckles. Ric Flair wins on Disqualification. No Royal Rumble for HHH. But Flair gets to continue his career. HHH pulls up Flair and hugs him. See, they are still friends.
Thats my recap. Happy 2008 everyone.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
12-27-07 SmackDown! Recap
This should be my last SmackDown! recap for a while, Groovy should be back next Friday.
Tonight was the best matches of 2007.
#5--Money in the Bank Ladder Match at Wrestlemania 23
Edge vs. Matt Hardy vs. Finlay vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Randy Orton vs. King Booker vs. CM Punk
Jeff Hardy gave up the chance to win to beat the crap out of Edge. It was pretty cool.
Commercial Break One Missed Call looks good
Hornswoggle starts interfering and is about to win for Finlay when Kennedy starts beating on Horny. It ends with Kennedy winning.
Beth Phoenix is something like Diva of the Year or some crap like that.
Commercial Break for Watsons. My brother totally had the hots for Jennifer the Watsons' girl.
Smack of the Night was HHH's return at Summer Slam where he defeated King Booker
#4--Orton vs. HHH in Last Man Standing Match at No Mercy
Commercial Break Meet the Spartans looks awesome!!!
For some reason the color of the match went bye bye. Orton wins. Joy.
Now they show Ric Flair's ultimatum. Win or retire.
Commercial Break Pizza Hut x2 now I want pizza
Slam of the Week was a quick recap of the 15th Anniversary of Raw
#3--John Cena vs. HBK in England on Raw
They had some counter thing in the corner to keep track of how long the match was going on. Before the commercial break it was over 35 minutes and there were lots of near falls.
Commercial Break some lame movie, I didn't even write down the name
HBK hits Sweet Chin Music and wins the match at 60 minutes and 15 seconds.
There is a Tribute to the Troops recap thing and Hillary Clinton says stuff.
Commercial Break and I wanna see Walk Hard
OOOOOO FUN STUFF!!!! Just a small sample of the awesomeness that has gone on this year:
SAVE_US.222 is Y2J, I thought they were Doritos adds.
Horny is Vince's SON!!!!
Stone Cold gives Maria and Santino Marella a beer shower.
Eve wins the Diva Search
Edge is the new champ
Vince vs. The Donald, Vince gets shaved
#2--Survivor Series Match
HHH, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, Kane, and Matt Hardy, oh wait MVP hurt Matt Hardy so scratch him. SO HHH, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, and Kane vs. Umaga, Finlay, Mr. Kennedy, Big Daddy V, and MVP. 5 on 4
Rey Rey helped Jeff Hardy with Poetry in Motion, I love that move. Kane is the first to be eliminated, the Rey Rey. That means its 2 on 5. CRAP!
Commercial Break MORE LAME MOVIES
Out goes MVP, then Kennedy. HHH and Jeff pull a double DDT on Big Daddy V. Hes gone. Tis leaves Finlay and Umaga vs HHH and Jeff Hardy. Out goes Finlay. HHH tags Jeff, then Pedigrees Umaga, Jeff hits a Swanton Bomb and pins Umaga. And yes, they win, Jeff wore a blue belt that night.
Commercial Break Whopper Freak Out YAY
#1--Undertaker vs. Batista at Wrestlemania 23
Taker does Old School. I kinda like that move, but my mom hates it
Commercial Break The Extinction looks pretty good
Tombstone Pile Driver on Batista and Taker WINS!!!
Then they show Vicky Guerrero and Edge with their gross little romance thing. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
That was tonight's show. Hope you enjoyed it. I will be doing Monday, but Groovy will be back next Friday, until then, bye.
Tonight was the best matches of 2007.
#5--Money in the Bank Ladder Match at Wrestlemania 23
Edge vs. Matt Hardy vs. Finlay vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Randy Orton vs. King Booker vs. CM Punk
Jeff Hardy gave up the chance to win to beat the crap out of Edge. It was pretty cool.
Commercial Break One Missed Call looks good
Hornswoggle starts interfering and is about to win for Finlay when Kennedy starts beating on Horny. It ends with Kennedy winning.
Beth Phoenix is something like Diva of the Year or some crap like that.
Commercial Break for Watsons. My brother totally had the hots for Jennifer the Watsons' girl.
Smack of the Night was HHH's return at Summer Slam where he defeated King Booker
#4--Orton vs. HHH in Last Man Standing Match at No Mercy
Commercial Break Meet the Spartans looks awesome!!!
For some reason the color of the match went bye bye. Orton wins. Joy.
Now they show Ric Flair's ultimatum. Win or retire.
Commercial Break Pizza Hut x2 now I want pizza
Slam of the Week was a quick recap of the 15th Anniversary of Raw
#3--John Cena vs. HBK in England on Raw
They had some counter thing in the corner to keep track of how long the match was going on. Before the commercial break it was over 35 minutes and there were lots of near falls.
Commercial Break some lame movie, I didn't even write down the name
HBK hits Sweet Chin Music and wins the match at 60 minutes and 15 seconds.
There is a Tribute to the Troops recap thing and Hillary Clinton says stuff.
Commercial Break and I wanna see Walk Hard
OOOOOO FUN STUFF!!!! Just a small sample of the awesomeness that has gone on this year:
SAVE_US.222 is Y2J, I thought they were Doritos adds.
Horny is Vince's SON!!!!
Stone Cold gives Maria and Santino Marella a beer shower.
Eve wins the Diva Search
Edge is the new champ
Vince vs. The Donald, Vince gets shaved
#2--Survivor Series Match
HHH, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, Kane, and Matt Hardy, oh wait MVP hurt Matt Hardy so scratch him. SO HHH, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, and Kane vs. Umaga, Finlay, Mr. Kennedy, Big Daddy V, and MVP. 5 on 4
Rey Rey helped Jeff Hardy with Poetry in Motion, I love that move. Kane is the first to be eliminated, the Rey Rey. That means its 2 on 5. CRAP!
Commercial Break MORE LAME MOVIES
Out goes MVP, then Kennedy. HHH and Jeff pull a double DDT on Big Daddy V. Hes gone. Tis leaves Finlay and Umaga vs HHH and Jeff Hardy. Out goes Finlay. HHH tags Jeff, then Pedigrees Umaga, Jeff hits a Swanton Bomb and pins Umaga. And yes, they win, Jeff wore a blue belt that night.
Commercial Break Whopper Freak Out YAY
#1--Undertaker vs. Batista at Wrestlemania 23
Taker does Old School. I kinda like that move, but my mom hates it
Commercial Break The Extinction looks pretty good
Tombstone Pile Driver on Batista and Taker WINS!!!
Then they show Vicky Guerrero and Edge with their gross little romance thing. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
That was tonight's show. Hope you enjoyed it. I will be doing Monday, but Groovy will be back next Friday, until then, bye.
12-24-07 RAW recap
Yeah, yeah, I'm a bit late with this one. Oh well, you will get over it.
This episode was the Tribute to the Troops. They were broadcasting from Iraq. The announcers were Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler. And Lillian Garcia was in a pretty Mrs. Clause outfit. I liked hers.
It starts with Orton vs. Y2J. King said that there are "1,500 lights to spell Bah Humbug" on top of Randy Orton's house. I giggled. Some time during the match, Jericho grabs a camera from one of the fans and takes a pic of Orton on the ground. That was awesome!
Commercial Break and there was a NEW Whopper Freak Out where they gave the people Big Macs and Wendy's burgers
We come back and Orton gets put in the Walls of Jericho. We hear bells. YAY, oh crap its JBL. The match is over when JBL enters the ring. Lovely. Orton hits the RKO but Y2J wins, on DQ. Orton tells JBL that Jericho is all his. Y2J vs JBL. Not now though. JBL hits the Clothesline from H3ll.
Commercial Break for the USO
They show all the Superstars being friendly, nice, and all kinds of fun being had by one and all. John Cena is even there. There is lots and lots of thanks for our troops.
Commercial Break for Nintendo DS
Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito is next. Jeff comes out with face paint and a lovely white belt, and in case you didn't notice, I will be commenting on the color of his belt every time I see it. Carlito tries o spit an apple at Jeff, but instead, Jeff hits a Twist of Fate and a Swanton Bomb, he pins Carlito and wins the match. YAY!
We then get to see more of the troops.
Commercial Break the Simpson's Movie is on DVD
We are treated to troop memories. Its sad.
Vince comes out and introduces a Diva's match. Layla and Kelly Kelly vs. Mickey James and Maria.
Commercial Break and I wanna see Walk Hard
We come back to the match and King lets us know that last year, he asked for "puppies" and got a real puppy. We then see a double Bronco Buster preformed by Maria and Mickey James. I haven't see one of those since Road Dogg left. Vince interrupts. He says we have seen enough. He says that Santa won't come to Iraq.
Out comes SANTA!!! YAY SANTA!!!!!!!! He says that Vince has always been bad. Vince says he isn't the real Santa. Santa has a letter that Vince wrote when he was young. It says:
Dear Santa,
I haven't been entirely good this year. But I want a rooster. A rooster with a coat. A GIANT rooster. Oh, PS I want a red rider bb gun.
We find out Santa is JOHN CENA YAY!!!!! And vince gets FU'd.
The Divas then pass out the presents "Santa" brought in his "bulging and heave sack."
More troops.
Commercial Break about Staying Above the Influence of drugs and alcohol. (look ma, I didn't need spell check for that one!)
They show a re-enlistment ceremony and a bunch of pics taken with the troops.
Commercial Break for the regular Whopper Freak Out
We come back and find out that the soccer stadium they are fighting in has a legend behind it. Saddam Hussein had the entire soccer team killed there when they didn't win some championship.
Now its Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry. Rey Rey hits the 619 and pins Henry for the win YAY!!!
More troop memories
Commercial Break for eSurance
They show Cena on a tour, more Iraq shots, and Jericho on his first Iraq trip.
Commercial Break I don't wanna see I am Legend
DX comes out. DX vs. Umaga and Kennedy
Commercial Break for Whopper Freak Out again
HBK gets the crap beat out of him. HHH starts celaning house. DX wins. They bring troops in the ring. There is a mass SUCK IT. And lots of love for the troops!!!
Theres the recap. Now on to SmackDown! in the next entry.
This episode was the Tribute to the Troops. They were broadcasting from Iraq. The announcers were Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler. And Lillian Garcia was in a pretty Mrs. Clause outfit. I liked hers.
It starts with Orton vs. Y2J. King said that there are "1,500 lights to spell Bah Humbug" on top of Randy Orton's house. I giggled. Some time during the match, Jericho grabs a camera from one of the fans and takes a pic of Orton on the ground. That was awesome!
Commercial Break and there was a NEW Whopper Freak Out where they gave the people Big Macs and Wendy's burgers
We come back and Orton gets put in the Walls of Jericho. We hear bells. YAY, oh crap its JBL. The match is over when JBL enters the ring. Lovely. Orton hits the RKO but Y2J wins, on DQ. Orton tells JBL that Jericho is all his. Y2J vs JBL. Not now though. JBL hits the Clothesline from H3ll.
Commercial Break for the USO
They show all the Superstars being friendly, nice, and all kinds of fun being had by one and all. John Cena is even there. There is lots and lots of thanks for our troops.
Commercial Break for Nintendo DS
Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito is next. Jeff comes out with face paint and a lovely white belt, and in case you didn't notice, I will be commenting on the color of his belt every time I see it. Carlito tries o spit an apple at Jeff, but instead, Jeff hits a Twist of Fate and a Swanton Bomb, he pins Carlito and wins the match. YAY!
We then get to see more of the troops.
Commercial Break the Simpson's Movie is on DVD
We are treated to troop memories. Its sad.
Vince comes out and introduces a Diva's match. Layla and Kelly Kelly vs. Mickey James and Maria.
Commercial Break and I wanna see Walk Hard
We come back to the match and King lets us know that last year, he asked for "puppies" and got a real puppy. We then see a double Bronco Buster preformed by Maria and Mickey James. I haven't see one of those since Road Dogg left. Vince interrupts. He says we have seen enough. He says that Santa won't come to Iraq.
Out comes SANTA!!! YAY SANTA!!!!!!!! He says that Vince has always been bad. Vince says he isn't the real Santa. Santa has a letter that Vince wrote when he was young. It says:
Dear Santa,
I haven't been entirely good this year. But I want a rooster. A rooster with a coat. A GIANT rooster. Oh, PS I want a red rider bb gun.
We find out Santa is JOHN CENA YAY!!!!! And vince gets FU'd.
The Divas then pass out the presents "Santa" brought in his "bulging and heave sack."
More troops.
Commercial Break about Staying Above the Influence of drugs and alcohol. (look ma, I didn't need spell check for that one!)
They show a re-enlistment ceremony and a bunch of pics taken with the troops.
Commercial Break for the regular Whopper Freak Out
We come back and find out that the soccer stadium they are fighting in has a legend behind it. Saddam Hussein had the entire soccer team killed there when they didn't win some championship.
Now its Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry. Rey Rey hits the 619 and pins Henry for the win YAY!!!
More troop memories
Commercial Break for eSurance
They show Cena on a tour, more Iraq shots, and Jericho on his first Iraq trip.
Commercial Break I don't wanna see I am Legend
DX comes out. DX vs. Umaga and Kennedy
Commercial Break for Whopper Freak Out again
HBK gets the crap beat out of him. HHH starts celaning house. DX wins. They bring troops in the ring. There is a mass SUCK IT. And lots of love for the troops!!!
Theres the recap. Now on to SmackDown! in the next entry.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas
Ok, so its Christmas Eve, I just got done watching Raw. I will recap it later. It should be up tomorrow or Wednesday, I'm not sure yet. I would do it now, but I am lazy, and you will get it soon enough. Merry Christmas.
Friday, December 21, 2007
SmackDown! Recap 12-21-07
Yeah, yeah I know. I know, me and Groovy are supposed to be doing this stuff together, but oh well. She had Christmas stuff to do tonight. I will be doing this week's SmackDown!, Monday's Raw, and next Friday's SmackDown!, and the Raw a week from Monday, get over it. After the holidays, she will do SmackDown!, I will do Raw, and there will be little change in that, other than the addition of ECW from me, and the Pay-Per-Views when we do them. She will be making this up to me during finals. Now on to the show.
I have no clue what the theme song is seeing as how they didn't play it tonight. So anyway, it starts with Teddy Long pushing Vicky Guerrero out in a wheel chair, I looked away for a second, and BAM they are in the ring. I am seriously curious as to how since there is no wheelchair ramp leading up to it. But anyway, I ignore it and move on. They show a flash back to Armageddon from Sunday night. Edge cheated. He used the Major brothers, Brett and Brian, to be him and get their butts whooped so he could win. Pansy couldn't do it on his own. Pfft.
An annoying sound comes from Ms. General Manager, oh wait that was her voice. Oops. She says something about the love of her life coming to the ring. Edge comes out and all I see is sexy sexy and pyro. Yeah, gimme a break, he may be a pompous jerk, but he's still hot. We find out there is an "official presentation" of the championship belt. Fantastic.
"On be half of the General Manager of SmackDown!, I present to you the World Heavy Weigh Championship." Thanks Teddy for that wonderfully sarcastic presentation. At least I now know that I am not the only one that dislikes Edge.
Edge goes on to say thanks to Teddy Long, the 'Edgeheads" NOT ME!!!!, and the Major Brothers. Out come Brett and Brian Major, yummy. Then they have to totally ruin it by talking. They have decided to go by new names, supposedly their real names. One is now Curt Hawkins, he like mimosas, and the other is now Zack Ryder, he likes to cuddle with his girlfriend. Thanks that information will totally help me later in life.
Edge then talks again and says he wants to thank the love of his life. We see some sappy and disgusting video of him and Vicky Guerrero. Including a shot of him and her standing next to a pole with E+V encircled in a heart carved on it. EWWW, and seriously what are they like 12?
Edge than thanks Batista. And we find out he will be fighting The Animal tonight in the rematch thingy that all former champs get.
Commercial Break, I was hungry, I got pizza
We find out JBL will be leaving SmackDown! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!! I don't like him too much. Oh crap, he's going to Raw, I recap Raw. Ignore the "yay"s. Next is The Great Khali and Ranjin Singh (his manager/translator person) vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle!!!!!!!! I love that little guy.
I couldn't figure out the guy's name so I was googling and missed most of the match, however I did happen to see an accidental tag between Khali and that guy. and then he gets hit with "snow" and water, Horny lands a tad pole splash and wins the match.
Commercial Break still googling, finally figured out his name, and you can read it above, and I know next week I will be covering the greatest moments in wrestling from 2007, HA!
Ric Flair comes out. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, that should cover it. He wishes us all a Merry Christmas, since it may be the last time he can ever say that in a WWE ring. He wants to thank all the superstars for giving him respect. He has been doing this for 35 years, that a LONG time, and that he just wants to prove that he is the best in the business. Vince has made it clear that the next time he loses, he will retire, no matter what. Vince also is making Flair fight HHH in 10 days on the New Year's Monday Night Raw. Flair is honored to fight HHH since he says that he is the gretest wrestler in the business today and that every time a person asks who he would like his last fight to be with, he always says HHH. AWWWWW. He aso says that if he loses, he will have no regrets.
Commercial Break more pizza I was still hungry
Now its Mark Henry, Big Daddy V, and MVP vs. Rey Mysterio, CM Punk, and Kane. Wow thats a LOT of weight in that ring.
Commercial Break Verne Troyer is now supporting WoW????? First Captain Kirk, then Mr. T, wow this game is soooooooooooooo not for me.
We come back to the match. I don't care since the only hot one is getting the crap beat out of him. Poor CM Punk. But I did notice Big Daddy V do something that I am gonna call the "Vulcan slap" since he makes the sign of the Vulcan and then slaps the person (wow 2 nerd references in like 3 minutes). Rey Mysterio hits the 619 on Mark Henry and the pins him and wins, not bad for a little guy huh?
Flashback to Armageddon, but its the same one they showed earlier.
Commercial Break Bod Man Fragrance Spary by Body Fantasy X 2 wow they really like that product
Now we finally get to see the date between Jamie Noble and Michelle McCool. They are in some room in a fancy schmancy restaurant. She looks great in the shiny black dress he gave her. Except his granny helped pick it out. He asks her to go to his house for Christmas, and she's like "ummmmm no thanks" He then gets angry at the French waiter for not serving French food, but is informed after his rant that they are in an ITALIAN restaurant. Some how Jean Claude Van Damme got mentioned in the rant. He gives her a Christmas present, Old Spice. NICE, she can smell him whenever she wants. GAG. He than does a "magic" trick where he pulls the table cloth out from under the stuff on the table. All I have to say is OOOOOO FAILURE!!!!!
Commercial Break, family stuff, dunno what happened
Next, Santa Deuce vs. Santa Festus. WOW. I only remember the awesome studded Santa belt Deuce had on, oh and Festus wins.
Commercial Break with the Whopper Freak Out and GUITAR HERO III
JBL finally announces this is his last day of SmackDown! HOORAY!!! OH CRAP nevermind. He claims to be the "best returning athlete ever." He says we pay to see him, but what he doesn't realize, because he's ya know stupid, is the fact that the audience can't here him until they watch the show. HA IN YOUR FACE JBL!!! But now he is moving on to Raw, so he can headline PPVs and win championships. Oh joy.
Commercial Break Herold Pener X 2
Tazz is now filling in for JBL, ah good ol' Tazz.
Championship match. Batista vs. Edge. The Animal vs. The Rated R Superstar. Oh me, oh my what an exciting match. But out come the former Major brothers and Teddy Long, who seems just as happy as a clam, and Vicky Guerrero. She announces it will be a 3 on 1 handicap match. Oh joy.
Commercial Break for Wii and some movie called Cloverfield
BATISTA WINS!!! He pinned one of the major wussies. I don't know which one. Ms. GM says that in order for Batista to REALLY win, he has to pin Edge. Just before the Batista Bomb, he gets hit with a chair and the match is over. There is a DDT onto the chair and another is grabbed. The second chair is handed to Edge, who then preforms a Conchairto on Batista. They are all leaving when Edge pauses and says "By the way, Merry Christmas."
And its over. I will be doing all next week, and the following Monday as previously stated. So since I will see you before hand there is no reason for me to wish you happy holidays yet, but be safe, I know some places are snowy and cold and icy, so be safe until next time.
I have no clue what the theme song is seeing as how they didn't play it tonight. So anyway, it starts with Teddy Long pushing Vicky Guerrero out in a wheel chair, I looked away for a second, and BAM they are in the ring. I am seriously curious as to how since there is no wheelchair ramp leading up to it. But anyway, I ignore it and move on. They show a flash back to Armageddon from Sunday night. Edge cheated. He used the Major brothers, Brett and Brian, to be him and get their butts whooped so he could win. Pansy couldn't do it on his own. Pfft.
An annoying sound comes from Ms. General Manager, oh wait that was her voice. Oops. She says something about the love of her life coming to the ring.
"On be half of the General Manager of SmackDown!, I present to you the World Heavy Weigh Championship." Thanks Teddy for that wonderfully sarcastic presentation. At least I now know that I am not the only one that dislikes Edge.
Edge goes on to say thanks to Teddy Long
Edge then talks again and says he wants to thank the love of his life. We see some sappy and disgusting video of him and Vicky Guerrero. Including a shot of him and her standing next to a pole with E+V encircled in a heart carved on it. EWWW, and seriously what are they like 12?
Edge than thanks Batista. And we find out he will be fighting The Animal tonight in the rematch thingy that all former champs get.
Commercial Break, I was hungry, I got pizza
We find out JBL will be leaving SmackDown! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!! I don't like him too much. Oh crap, he's going to Raw, I recap Raw. Ignore the "yay"s. Next is The Great Khali and Ranjin Singh (his manager/translator person) vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle!!!!!!!! I love that little guy.
I couldn't figure out the guy's name so I was googling and missed most of the match, however I did happen to see an accidental tag between Khali and that guy. and then he gets hit with "snow" and water, Horny lands a tad pole splash and wins the match.
Commercial Break still googling, finally figured out his name, and you can read it above, and I know next week I will be covering the greatest moments in wrestling from 2007, HA!
Ric Flair comes out. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, that should cover it. He wishes us all a Merry Christmas, since it may be the last time he can ever say that in a WWE ring. He wants to thank all the superstars for giving him respect. He has been doing this for 35 years, that a LONG time, and that he just wants to prove that he is the best in the business. Vince has made it clear that the next time he loses, he will retire, no matter what. Vince also is making Flair fight HHH in 10 days on the New Year's Monday Night Raw. Flair is honored to fight HHH since he says that he is the gretest wrestler in the business today and that every time a person asks who he would like his last fight to be with, he always says HHH. AWWWWW. He aso says that if he loses, he will have no regrets.
Commercial Break more pizza I was still hungry
Now its Mark Henry, Big Daddy V, and MVP vs. Rey Mysterio, CM Punk, and Kane. Wow thats a LOT of weight in that ring.
Commercial Break Verne Troyer is now supporting WoW????? First Captain Kirk, then Mr. T, wow this game is soooooooooooooo not for me.
We come back to the match. I don't care since the only hot one is getting the crap beat out of him. Poor CM Punk. But I did notice Big Daddy V do something that I am gonna call the "Vulcan slap" since he makes the sign of the Vulcan and then slaps the person (wow 2 nerd references in like 3 minutes). Rey Mysterio hits the 619 on Mark Henry and the pins him and wins, not bad for a little guy huh?
Flashback to Armageddon, but its the same one they showed earlier.
Commercial Break Bod Man Fragrance Spary by Body Fantasy X 2 wow they really like that product
Now we finally get to see the date between Jamie Noble and Michelle McCool. They are in some room in a fancy schmancy restaurant. She looks great in the shiny black dress he gave her. Except his granny helped pick it out. He asks her to go to his house for Christmas, and she's like "ummmmm no thanks" He then gets angry at the French waiter for not serving French food, but is informed after his rant that they are in an ITALIAN restaurant. Some how Jean Claude Van Damme got mentioned in the rant. He gives her a Christmas present, Old Spice. NICE, she can smell him whenever she wants. GAG. He than does a "magic" trick where he pulls the table cloth out from under the stuff on the table. All I have to say is OOOOOO FAILURE!!!!!
Commercial Break, family stuff, dunno what happened
Next, Santa Deuce vs. Santa Festus. WOW. I only remember the awesome studded Santa belt Deuce had on, oh and Festus wins.
Commercial Break with the Whopper Freak Out and GUITAR HERO III
JBL finally announces this is his last day of SmackDown! HOORAY!!! OH CRAP nevermind. He claims to be the "best returning athlete ever." He says we pay to see him, but what he doesn't realize, because he's ya know stupid, is the fact that the audience can't here him until they watch the show. HA IN YOUR FACE JBL!!! But now he is moving on to Raw, so he can headline PPVs and win championships. Oh joy.
Commercial Break Herold Pener X 2
Tazz is now filling in for JBL, ah good ol' Tazz.
Championship match. Batista vs. Edge. The Animal vs. The Rated R Superstar. Oh me, oh my what an exciting match. But out come the former Major brothers and Teddy Long, who seems just as happy as a clam, and Vicky Guerrero. She announces it will be a 3 on 1 handicap match. Oh joy.
Commercial Break for Wii and some movie called Cloverfield
BATISTA WINS!!! He pinned one of the major wussies. I don't know which one. Ms. GM says that in order for Batista to REALLY win, he has to pin Edge. Just before the Batista Bomb, he gets hit with a chair and the match is over. There is a DDT onto the chair and another is grabbed. The second chair is handed to Edge, who then preforms a Conchairto on Batista. They are all leaving when Edge pauses and says "By the way, Merry Christmas."
And its over. I will be doing all next week, and the following Monday as previously stated. So since I will see you before hand there is no reason for me to wish you happy holidays yet, but be safe, I know some places are snowy and cold and icy, so be safe until next time.
Monday, December 17, 2007
RAW Recap for 12-17-07
Ok, so tonight was interesting. I missed some stuff because I was on the phone with my uncle for a while and talking to some people I happen to like very much, but I paid as much attention as I possibly could. So here we go. Oh and no brutal metal tonight, it was me and one other person, so he decided to stop playing music. Ummm, I know I said that I would be off until Friday, but me and my mom worked something out. I will do Raw, and she will do Smackdown!
So it starts with some stuff and then a recap of the end of last week's Raw. Well I already did that, so I won't be doing it again. Then the theme song again.
It starts off with a "Santa's Little Helper Match" which apparently means that some divas will come out dressed like skanky Christmas figures and fight. It was Melina, Jillian Hall, Layla, and Victoria vs. Mickey James, Maria, Kelly Kelly, and Michelle McCool. There was lots of shiny stuff, Santa hats, and fur. I honestly couldn't watch, so I listened. Mickey James' team won and the there was like a diva dog pile. Melina's team was then thrown into each other and they fell, it was funny.
Vince McMahon comes out and kicks the divas out of the ring. He said he was humiliated last week, I thought it was funny. He also said it seemed we all "enjoyed my anguish." I know I did. Then he says we broke his heart. Funny, I didn't know you could break something that never existed. And then my favorite wrestler comes out. YAY JEFF HARDY. He goes on th say some stuff, he has a pretty blue belt on, and the he compared Vince to Saddam Hussein. I laughed. He actually says "We don't wanna hate you, but you don't give us a choice." And Vince sits in the corner.
Commercial Break there were 2 commercials for Bod Man Fragrance Spray, by Body Fantasy
We come back and see William Regal and a referee talking to Vince. Regal keeps saying "Come on lets go." But Vince doesn't move. Triple H comes out YAY! he said to mark the time because Vince officially flipped, I looked at the clock it was 8:21 pm CST.
HHH then sits next to Vince and puts his arm around him. AWWWWWW. He than gets threatened by William Regal. There is a stare down and Regal says he's gonna call security. Vince gets up and grabs the mic. He says that Regal needs to go get Johnathan Coachman. Fan-flipping-tastic. The match is announced, HHH vs. Coach and Regal. And its next.
Commercial Break I want Halloween on DVD
Then out comes Coach and Regal, no not out of the closet, although I think they are both in one, possibly together. They are wearing suits, yes suits. HHH is in jeans and a t-shirt. Some stuff happens, Regal decides he needs to cheat and grabs some brass knuckles. He gets a spine buster. Coach grabs the knucks, and HHH sees. He gives them to HHH and then gets rewarded with a pedigree. HHH wins.
Next they show some still shots from Y2J vs. Randy Orton. JBL interferes and Y2J looses.
Commercial Break YAY YAY YAY Psych is coming back January 11 YAY
They have a Raw Rewind and show the tag team title change from last week.
The match now is Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes vs. Cade and Murdoch for the titles. Some stuff happens and Cade is given a DDT so Rhodes pins him and wins the match.
Commercial Break Balls of Fury Fa La La La La La La La La
Slam of the week, Ric Flair saying "I will NEVER retire."
Flair comes out and says some stuff. He loves the fans, the business, and being The Nature Boy. He has to BE THE MAN and he wont go out with out being in the fight of his life.
Commercial Break I REALLY want Halloween on DVD
Flair fights Umaga, and wins. I was sorta on the phone at this point.
Commercial Break-------phone still
Y2J says some stuff, JBL comes on the jumbo-tron thing and says some stuff. Since I was on the phone, I am just gonna say what I think was said.
"I am Y2J. I am the sexy beast baby!!! RAW IS JERICHO!!! Would you please SHUT THE H3LL UP!!! @$$ CLOWN."
"I am JBL. I think I rock, I don't. Blah blah blah, Jericho is a pansy. I rock I rock I ROCK!!!! And I am the best wrestler so F YOU!!!!!"
"Come prove it!!! YEAH I'M Y2J!!!"
"Oh I will. I am coming back to wrestle on MONDAY NIGHT RAW!!!!"
dun dun dun that may not have been what was really said, but JBL is coming to Raw and Jericho is awesome.
Commercial Break---------getting off the phone
Now its Santino Marella and Carlito vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick (yummy). Some stuff happens and Carlito uses a backstabber on Kendrick and wins (BOOOOOO!!!!!!). But it gets all better when Marella says "You like t swap spit with men who don't want to be cool." And he didn't know what the problem with that was.
Commercial Break 40 Year Old Virgin is gonna be on USA soon
There is and interview with Randy Orton, great more pompous drivel. Something about how Jeff Hardy will never pin him blah blah blah. And we find out that Jeff Hardy will face Orton at The Royal Rumble since he beat HHH. YAY FOR HIM!!!
HHH and Flair are talking and HHH is saying that Flair will always be there. Vincce comes out and says that on New Year's HHH will fight Flair.
Commercial Break I wanna see Balls of Fury
JEFF HARDY!!! Ok, so its the start of the tag match between Jeff Hardy with HBK and Mr. Kennedy with Orton. It starts with Hardy and Orton. And then there is some stuff, but all I remember is a very nice shot of HBK's hiney.
Commercial Break and that Whopper Freak out looks awesome
We come back and see some pain being inflicted on Jeff Hardy. But then there is an attempted twist of fate, then an attempted RKO, then a successful twist of fate and a swanton bomb. JEFF HARDY PINS RANDY ORTON. That means he just proved Orton wrong. HA
Thats the end of the night. So thanks for reading and stuff, now good bye.
So it starts with some stuff and then a recap of the end of last week's Raw. Well I already did that, so I won't be doing it again. Then the theme song again.
It starts off with a "Santa's Little Helper Match" which apparently means that some divas will come out dressed like skanky Christmas figures and fight. It was Melina, Jillian Hall, Layla, and Victoria vs. Mickey James, Maria, Kelly Kelly, and Michelle McCool. There was lots of shiny stuff, Santa hats, and fur. I honestly couldn't watch, so I listened. Mickey James' team won and the there was like a diva dog pile. Melina's team was then thrown into each other and they fell, it was funny.
Vince McMahon comes out and kicks the divas out of the ring. He said he was humiliated last week, I thought it was funny. He also said it seemed we all "enjoyed my anguish." I know I did. Then he says we broke his heart. Funny, I didn't know you could break something that never existed. And then my favorite wrestler comes out. YAY JEFF HARDY. He goes on th say some stuff, he has a pretty blue belt on, and the he compared Vince to Saddam Hussein. I laughed. He actually says "We don't wanna hate you, but you don't give us a choice." And Vince sits in the corner.
Commercial Break there were 2 commercials for Bod Man Fragrance Spray, by Body Fantasy
We come back and see William Regal and a referee talking to Vince. Regal keeps saying "Come on lets go." But Vince doesn't move. Triple H comes out YAY! he said to mark the time because Vince officially flipped, I looked at the clock it was 8:21 pm CST.
HHH then sits next to Vince and puts his arm around him. AWWWWWW. He than gets threatened by William Regal. There is a stare down and Regal says he's gonna call security. Vince gets up and grabs the mic. He says that Regal needs to go get Johnathan Coachman. Fan-flipping-tastic. The match is announced, HHH vs. Coach and Regal. And its next.
Commercial Break I want Halloween on DVD
Then out comes Coach and Regal, no not out of the closet, although I think they are both in one, possibly together. They are wearing suits, yes suits. HHH is in jeans and a t-shirt. Some stuff happens, Regal decides he needs to cheat and grabs some brass knuckles. He gets a spine buster. Coach grabs the knucks, and HHH sees. He gives them to HHH and then gets rewarded with a pedigree. HHH wins.
Next they show some still shots from Y2J vs. Randy Orton. JBL interferes and Y2J looses.
Commercial Break YAY YAY YAY Psych is coming back January 11 YAY
They have a Raw Rewind and show the tag team title change from last week.
The match now is Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes vs. Cade and Murdoch for the titles. Some stuff happens and Cade is given a DDT so Rhodes pins him and wins the match.
Commercial Break Balls of Fury Fa La La La La La La La La
Slam of the week, Ric Flair saying "I will NEVER retire."
Flair comes out and says some stuff. He loves the fans, the business, and being The Nature Boy. He has to BE THE MAN and he wont go out with out being in the fight of his life.
Commercial Break I REALLY want Halloween on DVD
Flair fights Umaga, and wins. I was sorta on the phone at this point.
Commercial Break-------phone still
Y2J says some stuff, JBL comes on the jumbo-tron thing and says some stuff. Since I was on the phone, I am just gonna say what I think was said.
"I am Y2J. I am the sexy beast baby!!! RAW IS JERICHO!!! Would you please SHUT THE H3LL UP!!! @$$ CLOWN."
"I am JBL. I think I rock, I don't. Blah blah blah, Jericho is a pansy. I rock I rock I ROCK!!!! And I am the best wrestler so F YOU!!!!!"
"Come prove it!!! YEAH I'M Y2J!!!"
"Oh I will. I am coming back to wrestle on MONDAY NIGHT RAW!!!!"
dun dun dun that may not have been what was really said, but JBL is coming to Raw and Jericho is awesome.
Commercial Break---------getting off the phone
Now its Santino Marella and Carlito vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick (yummy). Some stuff happens and Carlito uses a backstabber on Kendrick and wins (BOOOOOO!!!!!!). But it gets all better when Marella says "You like t swap spit with men who don't want to be cool." And he didn't know what the problem with that was.
Commercial Break 40 Year Old Virgin is gonna be on USA soon
There is and interview with Randy Orton, great more pompous drivel. Something about how Jeff Hardy will never pin him blah blah blah. And we find out that Jeff Hardy will face Orton at The Royal Rumble since he beat HHH. YAY FOR HIM!!!
HHH and Flair are talking and HHH is saying that Flair will always be there. Vincce comes out and says that on New Year's HHH will fight Flair.
Commercial Break I wanna see Balls of Fury
JEFF HARDY!!! Ok, so its the start of the tag match between Jeff Hardy with HBK and Mr. Kennedy with Orton. It starts with Hardy and Orton. And then there is some stuff, but all I remember is a very nice shot of HBK's hiney.
Commercial Break and that Whopper Freak out looks awesome
We come back and see some pain being inflicted on Jeff Hardy. But then there is an attempted twist of fate, then an attempted RKO, then a successful twist of fate and a swanton bomb. JEFF HARDY PINS RANDY ORTON. That means he just proved Orton wrong. HA
Thats the end of the night. So thanks for reading and stuff, now good bye.
Friday, December 14, 2007
SmackDown Recap for 12/14/07
So I've written recaps before, but never for a wrestling show. And never for a 2-hour show. So this should be really interesting. I think my daughter will kick my butt at this, since she can name moves and whatnot, but I'll give it my best shot.
I have lots and lots and lots of notes on this, so here we go...
They open from the lovely city of Boston. Well, actually, I have no idea if Boston is lovely. I've never been there. But I hear it doesn't suck much. Anyway, Michael Cole and JBL announce that Armageddon is in two days. Yeah, another Pay-Per-View that we can't afford.
So Edge interrupts whatever Michael Cole and JBL were saying. Edge. Is. SO. Hot. Like, campfire-in-Hell hot. Anyway, so he says that he wants to welcome back the General Manager of SmackDown and the love of his life *gag* Vickie Guerrero. And Teddy Long wheels her out onto the ramp in a wheelchair. I keep waiting for the inevitable mishap of her "accidentally" rolling down the ramp and ending up face-first into the steel steps or something, but Teddy Long must have remembered the brakes, because it doesn't happen.
So Hot Edge calls Vickie courageous for surviving the vicious, brutal attack by The Undertaker. They roll footage of the dead man whooping her Edge-kissing butt. After the clip, Edge is all, "That disgusts me!" Nah, the disgusting thing is when he performs a tonsillectomy on her with his tongue. I wonder if Eddie (R.I.P.) is rolling over in his grave.
Edge asks what she's feeling, and she goes, "To be honest, I'm not doing very well." She says that she's "mentally scarred" and "emotionally distraught" and that she's considering psych help. Seriously, the one who needs the psych help is Edge for being all with Vickie Guerrero instead of me. Just sayin'.
Vickie continues by saying that she returned to SmackDown to fulfill her GM duties. She reminds us that Batista, Edge and The Undertaker will be in a Triple-Threat Match at Armageddon, but she also announces that each of the men will be in matches tonight, and Edge is up first. Edge is all spazzing because he isn't prepared for a match, and he hasn't warmed up or anything. She insists and asks for Edge's entrance music. So Edge makes his way to the ring, looking all worried. As he removes his jersey, I add 'EdgeJersey' to my Christmas Wish List.
So poor unprepared Edge is in the ring and he starts smiling when Funaki's music hits. He's all happy that he's fighting a lesser opponent. The bell rings with Edge still smiling. They start fighting, and Edge smacks Funaki in the head. Over and over. So Funaki retaliates by whacking Edge in the wienie. Edge takes over the match and they cut to a shot of Vickie clapping for him from her wheelchair at the top of the ramp. Edge gets his 3-count right away, and Vickie blows him a kiss. Edge goes up the ramp and Vickie gets back on the mic and asks for applause for her man. She announces that Batista and Kane will be in a Last-Man Standing Match tonight. She also announces that The Undertaker will have to be in a handicap match against Big Daddy V and Mark Henry. She then orders Teddy to take her to her office.
After the break, Michelle McCool comes out. They show footage from last week in which she and Chuck Palumbo lost a match and she now has to go out with Jamie Noble. Her partner Kelly Kelly comes out to join her. Next is Victoria and they show more footage from last week. Layla's music hits and the tag match starts with Michelle McCool and Victoria. There's lots of hair pulling, slapping, all that girl stuff. Michelle tags in Kelly and there's more hair pulling and slapping. Victoria tags Layla and there's more hair pulling and slapping, but Layla tags Victoria back in quickly. Kelly tags Michelle back in and Michelle pins Victoria, but Layla jumps in to break up the 3-count. Then Kenny Dykstra runs down the ramp and interferes, but Chuck Palumbo rides his motorcycle out to distract Dykstra. Victoria and Layla get the win.
We see that Rey Mysterio is next and I get all happy. It's been at least a week since I've seen a 619.
After the break, Michelle McCool is talking to Chuck Palumbo backstage, and Palumbo's all cranky about her upcoming date with Jamie Noble. He punches a hole in the paper wall and storms off all frustrated.
They cut to ringside where MVP is looking good in a suit and tie, joining Michael Cole and JBL to announce the next match. Mysterio's music starts and he comes out. I love that he stops and talks to the kids in the audience who are wearing Mysterio masks! This is why Mysterio rocks my socks. Anyway, they remind us that Mysterio will face MVP at Armageddon. But tonight, he's facing Kenny Dykstra. The bell rings and I wonder what took me so long to notice Mysterio's lavender pleather pants and mask. Dykstra's doing some crap to Mysterio's arm, but my man Rey Rey gets out of the hold and whoops on Dykstra. Dykstra retaliates with more arm-wrenching, but Mysterio pulls off a 619 (I love that move!) and gets the pin.
The match was actually longer than that, but you know. It was a couple dudes fighting.
So MVP goes into the ring and the ref warns him to back off. MVP's all, "I'm here to congratulate Rey Mysterio," and he says that the match at Armageddon will be a title match for the US Championship belt. He goes to shake Mysterio's hand, but Rey refuses to shake his hand. So MVP distracts him and hits him in the head with the belt. I so totally hope Mysterio takes the belt from him this Sunday. Seriously.
Next up will be Kane and Batista in the Last-Man Standing Match.
So Justin Roberts is in the ring telling us the rules of a Last-Man Standing Match. Basically, there are no rules. Whoever gets the 10-count wins.
Kane's music plays first and I totally miss the days when he wore the mask and had hair. Lots and lots of hair. I love hair.
Anyway, so then Batista's music plays and he comes out. Alienated and I call him Steroid Stan on accounta his extra set of shoulders. Ew. So he gets to the ring and there's a classic stare-down. The bell rings and Kane takes an early lead, but not for long. Batista knocks him over the top rope. They're outside the ring and Batista slams Kane's head into the ringpost. Kane kicks out of a 5-count. They go back into the ring where there are no weapons and Kane starts whoopin' on Batista. Kane jumps off the top rope, but Batista moves out of the way. There's some more fighting, and Kane choke slams Batista, but he gets to his feet at the 8-count. Batista whoops on Kane for awhile and pins him, but Kane kicks out at the 8-count. They're both on the top rope fighting, but they both go down and Kane gets up at the 8-count, Batista at the 9.
We get back to the match just in time to see Kane throwing Batista over the ropes. Some wrasslin' crap happens and Batista hits his feet at a 5-count. He takes over and Kane's down for a 6-count. Batista goes down for a 7, but he ends up with a steel chair shot to the head. Both men are down, but Batista gets up at 7 and Kane at 9. Batista takes over the match until Kane hits him with some steel steps. Batista is down for 8, and I'm starting to wonder if this match will ever end.
So Kane whacks Batista with a TV monitor. Batista's down and Kane is heard screaming, "Stay down!" Yeah, like that'll help. But Batista's down for 8. So Kane hits him and he's down for another 7. Then Batista gets another rush of adrenaline or something and throws Kane onto the announce table. My man Edge interferes and hits Batista. At this point, both he and Kane are down, but Batista gets up at 7 and whoops on Edge. Kane doesn't recover and Batista wins the match, but Edge hits him with a steel chair. Edge is happy and Steroid Stan is all crying like a woman.
After the break, Edge is backstage with Vickie. She says she's proud of Edge, and Edge asks what he can do for Vickie. She says she wants two aspirin and a cup of coffee.
OK, so maybe I have something in common with Vickie Guerrero. At this point, I could also use 2 aspirin, a cup of coffee and some Edge-lovin'.
Anyway. So Edge tells Teddy Long to go get the aspirin and coffee. He tells Vickie that he loves her, she says that she loves him more, they suck face, and I puke my guts out.
Next up is the RAW Rebound. We get a ton of clips from the 15th Anniversary of RAW. I won't go into it since my lovely and talented daughter did such a fabulous job with recapping the show. (Isn't she awesome?)
And just before the break, Jesse and Festus come out. I had such high hopes for these guys when they first hit the WWE, but they just aren't working for me.
We come back to the WWE Slam of the Week. It's some tag team crap with The Miz and John Morrison. Morrison, by the way, is hot too.
And it just so happens that The Miz and Morrison are Jesse and Festus' opponents for the next match. Convenient timing, don'tcha think? Since they were the Slam of the Week and all.
So The Miz and Morrison hit the ring and the match starts with Festus kicking The Miz's butt. But The Miz takes over and he kicks Festus' butt out of the ring. Festus goes back in and he puts The Miz on his shoulders, does a spin, and uses The Miz to kick Morrison's pretty butt off the apron. Festus throws The Miz down onto the mat and gets the pin. And it's over that fast. No Jesse. No Hot Morrison. That's the end.
EDITED TO ADD: Ohhhhhkay, I'm an idiot. The reason why there was no Jesse and no Hot Morrison is because it wasn't a tag-team match. It was a single's match. But in my defense, I never said I was an expert at this stuff; I warned y'all that I don't have a clue what I'm talking about with this. So sue me. heh
Teddy Long makes his way to the ring and says that he has an announcement. He announces the next match: Khali vs. Hornswoggle. Yeah, a fair fight, that one.
So here comes Hornswoggle, who is not much bigger than my 7-year old son and not much tougher than my 9-year old diva daughter. Khali's music hits and we see the 7-foot plus, 420-pound giant come to the ring. We get some clips from last week, but after the clips, Finlay comes out with a shillelagh. He whacks Khali with the shillelagh, but Khali's translator grabs Hornswoggle and takes the little man hostage to distract Finlay. Which works, because Finlay hits the translator and Khali pins Finlay for the win.
We come back from this break to see Michelle McCool and Kelly Kelly going into the locker room, which is decorated with roses, balloons, teddy bears and whatnot. Jamie Noble joins the ladies and asks Michelle if Chuck gave her the black eye she's sporting. She says no, that it happened in Europe. Noble doesn't seem to believe her, but Kelly Squared backs Michelle's story. Then she suggests a double-date with her and Balls Mahoney. heh Both Michelle and Jamie say no f'ing way. Jamie tells Michelle that he got her a new dress and he'll be waiting for her and he leaves the locker room. Which is good, since I presume it's a girl's locker room.
They announce the final card for Armageddon. I think I got them all. Ya ready?
So Big Daddy V makes it to the ring with Mark Henry following for our final match. The Undertaker slinks his dead way to the ring as well, and there's another classic stare-down. The Undertaker removes his hat and coat butt-slow. But I guess that's forgivable, what with The Undertaker's post-mortem status and all. The bell rings and The Undertaker throws a jab, but the other two start to kick some dead butt. Mark Henry is working on Taker, but Taker takes over. He moves Henry onto the apron, and Big Daddy V goes out of the ring. Taker starts whoopin' and they move back into the ring. Big Daddy V takes over and he pins Taker, but Taker kicks out just in the nick of time. Big Daddy V and Mark Henry gang up on Taker. Which is fine, seeing as how this is a handicap match. But Taker isn't having any of that, and he tries a double-chokeslam. Yeah, like that's gonna work. It doesn't, of course, and the two big dudes take a bite out of Taker. But Taker, as expected, finds some strength and delivers a chokeslam to Mark Henry for the win.
After the bell, however, Big Daddy V hits Taker, and Mark Henry joins in the fight. Taker's about dead for real when Edge enters the ring to hold him down. I am SO glad Taker didn't do Old School this time. I absolutely hate that stupid move.
And that's it. That's the end of SmackDown for the week.
Thank God, because it sucked typing all that up.
I think I need those aspirin now.
That's it from me for now. Until next time, have a groovy day!
I have lots and lots and lots of notes on this, so here we go...
They open from the lovely city of Boston. Well, actually, I have no idea if Boston is lovely. I've never been there. But I hear it doesn't suck much. Anyway, Michael Cole and JBL announce that Armageddon is in two days. Yeah, another Pay-Per-View that we can't afford.
So Edge interrupts whatever Michael Cole and JBL were saying. Edge. Is. SO. Hot. Like, campfire-in-Hell hot. Anyway, so he says that he wants to welcome back the General Manager of SmackDown and the love of his life *gag* Vickie Guerrero. And Teddy Long wheels her out onto the ramp in a wheelchair. I keep waiting for the inevitable mishap of her "accidentally" rolling down the ramp and ending up face-first into the steel steps or something, but Teddy Long must have remembered the brakes, because it doesn't happen.
So Hot Edge calls Vickie courageous for surviving the vicious, brutal attack by The Undertaker. They roll footage of the dead man whooping her Edge-kissing butt. After the clip, Edge is all, "That disgusts me!" Nah, the disgusting thing is when he performs a tonsillectomy on her with his tongue. I wonder if Eddie (R.I.P.) is rolling over in his grave.
Edge asks what she's feeling, and she goes, "To be honest, I'm not doing very well." She says that she's "mentally scarred" and "emotionally distraught" and that she's considering psych help. Seriously, the one who needs the psych help is Edge for being all with Vickie Guerrero instead of me. Just sayin'.
Vickie continues by saying that she returned to SmackDown to fulfill her GM duties. She reminds us that Batista, Edge and The Undertaker will be in a Triple-Threat Match at Armageddon, but she also announces that each of the men will be in matches tonight, and Edge is up first. Edge is all spazzing because he isn't prepared for a match, and he hasn't warmed up or anything. She insists and asks for Edge's entrance music. So Edge makes his way to the ring, looking all worried. As he removes his jersey, I add 'Edge
So poor unprepared Edge is in the ring and he starts smiling when Funaki's music hits. He's all happy that he's fighting a lesser opponent. The bell rings with Edge still smiling. They start fighting, and Edge smacks Funaki in the head. Over and over. So Funaki retaliates by whacking Edge in the wienie. Edge takes over the match and they cut to a shot of Vickie clapping for him from her wheelchair at the top of the ramp. Edge gets his 3-count right away, and Vickie blows him a kiss. Edge goes up the ramp and Vickie gets back on the mic and asks for applause for her man. She announces that Batista and Kane will be in a Last-Man Standing Match tonight. She also announces that The Undertaker will have to be in a handicap match against Big Daddy V and Mark Henry. She then orders Teddy to take her to her office.
--- First commercial break. I make a mental note to watch the Tribute to the Troops episode of RAW on Christmas Eve. ---
After the break, Michelle McCool comes out. They show footage from last week in which she and Chuck Palumbo lost a match and she now has to go out with Jamie Noble. Her partner Kelly Kelly comes out to join her. Next is Victoria and they show more footage from last week. Layla's music hits and the tag match starts with Michelle McCool and Victoria. There's lots of hair pulling, slapping, all that girl stuff. Michelle tags in Kelly and there's more hair pulling and slapping. Victoria tags Layla and there's more hair pulling and slapping, but Layla tags Victoria back in quickly. Kelly tags Michelle back in and Michelle pins Victoria, but Layla jumps in to break up the 3-count. Then Kenny Dykstra runs down the ramp and interferes, but Chuck Palumbo rides his motorcycle out to distract Dykstra. Victoria and Layla get the win.
We see that Rey Mysterio is next and I get all happy. It's been at least a week since I've seen a 619.
--- During this break, we have to sit through two ads for Harold Pener clothes. What's up with that? ---
After the break, Michelle McCool is talking to Chuck Palumbo backstage, and Palumbo's all cranky about her upcoming date with Jamie Noble. He punches a hole in the paper wall and storms off all frustrated.
They cut to ringside where MVP is looking good in a suit and tie, joining Michael Cole and JBL to announce the next match. Mysterio's music starts and he comes out. I love that he stops and talks to the kids in the audience who are wearing Mysterio masks! This is why Mysterio rocks my socks. Anyway, they remind us that Mysterio will face MVP at Armageddon. But tonight, he's facing Kenny Dykstra. The bell rings and I wonder what took me so long to notice Mysterio's lavender pleather pants and mask. Dykstra's doing some crap to Mysterio's arm, but my man Rey Rey gets out of the hold and whoops on Dykstra. Dykstra retaliates with more arm-wrenching, but Mysterio pulls off a 619 (I love that move!) and gets the pin.
The match was actually longer than that, but you know. It was a couple dudes fighting.
So MVP goes into the ring and the ref warns him to back off. MVP's all, "I'm here to congratulate Rey Mysterio," and he says that the match at Armageddon will be a title match for the US Championship belt. He goes to shake Mysterio's hand, but Rey refuses to shake his hand. So MVP distracts him and hits him in the head with the belt. I so totally hope Mysterio takes the belt from him this Sunday. Seriously.
Next up will be Kane and Batista in the Last-Man Standing Match.
--- What's with the dual commercials? I have to sit through two BODman fragrance ads. And I laugh because it's available at Walgreen's. The crap can't be too quality. ---
So Justin Roberts is in the ring telling us the rules of a Last-Man Standing Match. Basically, there are no rules. Whoever gets the 10-count wins.
Kane's music plays first and I totally miss the days when he wore the mask and had hair. Lots and lots of hair. I love hair.
Anyway, so then Batista's music plays and he comes out. Alienated and I call him Steroid Stan on accounta his extra set of shoulders. Ew. So he gets to the ring and there's a classic stare-down. The bell rings and Kane takes an early lead, but not for long. Batista knocks him over the top rope. They're outside the ring and Batista slams Kane's head into the ringpost. Kane kicks out of a 5-count. They go back into the ring where there are no weapons and Kane starts whoopin' on Batista. Kane jumps off the top rope, but Batista moves out of the way. There's some more fighting, and Kane choke slams Batista, but he gets to his feet at the 8-count. Batista whoops on Kane for awhile and pins him, but Kane kicks out at the 8-count. They're both on the top rope fighting, but they both go down and Kane gets up at the 8-count, Batista at the 9.
--- I hate when they have commercials in the middle of a match. But I do want to try Church's new boneless wings. ---
We get back to the match just in time to see Kane throwing Batista over the ropes. Some wrasslin' crap happens and Batista hits his feet at a 5-count. He takes over and Kane's down for a 6-count. Batista goes down for a 7, but he ends up with a steel chair shot to the head. Both men are down, but Batista gets up at 7 and Kane at 9. Batista takes over the match until Kane hits him with some steel steps. Batista is down for 8, and I'm starting to wonder if this match will ever end.
So Kane whacks Batista with a TV monitor. Batista's down and Kane is heard screaming, "Stay down!" Yeah, like that'll help. But Batista's down for 8. So Kane hits him and he's down for another 7. Then Batista gets another rush of adrenaline or something and throws Kane onto the announce table. My man Edge interferes and hits Batista. At this point, both he and Kane are down, but Batista gets up at 7 and whoops on Edge. Kane doesn't recover and Batista wins the match, but Edge hits him with a steel chair. Edge is happy and Steroid Stan is all crying like a woman.
--- There's a commercial for Armageddon. Y2J looks amazingly beautiful! ---
After the break, Edge is backstage with Vickie. She says she's proud of Edge, and Edge asks what he can do for Vickie. She says she wants two aspirin and a cup of coffee.
OK, so maybe I have something in common with Vickie Guerrero. At this point, I could also use 2 aspirin, a cup of coffee and some Edge-lovin'.
Anyway. So Edge tells Teddy Long to go get the aspirin and coffee. He tells Vickie that he loves her, she says that she loves him more, they suck face, and I puke my guts out.
Next up is the RAW Rebound. We get a ton of clips from the 15th Anniversary of RAW. I won't go into it since my lovely and talented daughter did such a fabulous job with recapping the show. (Isn't she awesome?)
And just before the break, Jesse and Festus come out. I had such high hopes for these guys when they first hit the WWE, but they just aren't working for me.
--- Again with the dual commercials! We have to sit through two ads for K&G Clothes. ---
We come back to the WWE Slam of the Week. It's some tag team crap with The Miz and John Morrison. Morrison, by the way, is hot too.
And it just so happens that The Miz and Morrison are Jesse and Festus' opponents for the next match. Convenient timing, don'tcha think? Since they were the Slam of the Week and all.
So The Miz and Morrison hit the ring and the match starts with Festus kicking The Miz's butt. But The Miz takes over and he kicks Festus' butt out of the ring. Festus goes back in and he puts The Miz on his shoulders, does a spin, and uses The Miz to kick Morrison's pretty butt off the apron. Festus throws The Miz down onto the mat and gets the pin. And it's over that fast. No Jesse. No Hot Morrison. That's the end.
EDITED TO ADD: Ohhhhhkay, I'm an idiot. The reason why there was no Jesse and no Hot Morrison is because it wasn't a tag-team match. It was a single's match. But in my defense, I never said I was an expert at this stuff; I warned y'all that I don't have a clue what I'm talking about with this. So sue me. heh
Teddy Long makes his way to the ring and says that he has an announcement. He announces the next match: Khali vs. Hornswoggle. Yeah, a fair fight, that one.
--- If I had a Wii or a PlayStation I would totally get the SmackDown vs. RAW game. But I don't. So I won't. ---
So here comes Hornswoggle, who is not much bigger than my 7-year old son and not much tougher than my 9-year old diva daughter. Khali's music hits and we see the 7-foot plus, 420-pound giant come to the ring. We get some clips from last week, but after the clips, Finlay comes out with a shillelagh. He whacks Khali with the shillelagh, but Khali's translator grabs Hornswoggle and takes the little man hostage to distract Finlay. Which works, because Finlay hits the translator and Khali pins Finlay for the win.
--- There's that BODman fragrance ad again. Twice. F' that. ---
We come back from this break to see Michelle McCool and Kelly Kelly going into the locker room, which is decorated with roses, balloons, teddy bears and whatnot. Jamie Noble joins the ladies and asks Michelle if Chuck gave her the black eye she's sporting. She says no, that it happened in Europe. Noble doesn't seem to believe her, but Kelly Squared backs Michelle's story. Then she suggests a double-date with her and Balls Mahoney. heh Both Michelle and Jamie say no f'ing way. Jamie tells Michelle that he got her a new dress and he'll be waiting for her and he leaves the locker room. Which is good, since I presume it's a girl's locker room.
They announce the final card for Armageddon. I think I got them all. Ya ready?
- Y2J vs. Randy Orton
- HHH vs. Jeff Hardy
- Kennedy vs. Shawn Michaels
- CM Punk and Kane vs. Big Daddy V and... um... Kane (OK, I obviously f'ed that one up.)
- Finlay vs. Khali
- Rey Mysterio vs. MVP
- Triple Threat Match: Edge vs. The Undertaker vs. Batista
--- There are a lot of commercial breaks! But I love that Whopper Freakout one. ---
So Big Daddy V makes it to the ring with Mark Henry following for our final match. The Undertaker slinks his dead way to the ring as well, and there's another classic stare-down. The Undertaker removes his hat and coat butt-slow. But I guess that's forgivable, what with The Undertaker's post-mortem status and all. The bell rings and The Undertaker throws a jab, but the other two start to kick some dead butt. Mark Henry is working on Taker, but Taker takes over. He moves Henry onto the apron, and Big Daddy V goes out of the ring. Taker starts whoopin' and they move back into the ring. Big Daddy V takes over and he pins Taker, but Taker kicks out just in the nick of time. Big Daddy V and Mark Henry gang up on Taker. Which is fine, seeing as how this is a handicap match. But Taker isn't having any of that, and he tries a double-chokeslam. Yeah, like that's gonna work. It doesn't, of course, and the two big dudes take a bite out of Taker. But Taker, as expected, finds some strength and delivers a chokeslam to Mark Henry for the win.
After the bell, however, Big Daddy V hits Taker, and Mark Henry joins in the fight. Taker's about dead for real when Edge enters the ring to hold him down. I am SO glad Taker didn't do Old School this time. I absolutely hate that stupid move.
And that's it. That's the end of SmackDown for the week.
Thank God, because it sucked typing all that up.
I think I need those aspirin now.
That's it from me for now. Until next time, have a groovy day!
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